Preoccupied Bumble

barbex:

gettingdinnerandpossiblythinner:

My favorite is people who send me unsolicited dick pics and then they’re like, “uh, hi? Are you ignoring me?”

It’s just so funny to me. Like one minute I’m designing bioreactors and getting published for heat dissipation in polymers and then I open this godforsaken app to dudes hanging brain who can’t even pronounce “saponification” calling me a slut because I won’t give attention to their limp excuses for existence.

3 billion years of evolution and the greatest form of communication you can conjure up in your fermented omelet of a conscience is submitting your wrinkly ball sac to a stranger on the Internet to substitute the attention your parents never gave their mistake of an offspring.

This is poetry.

thyrell:

agoatinthecircus:

thyrell:

thyrell:

a necromancer is just a really late healer

“you’re too late, doc, he’s…he’s already dead…”

*cracks knuckles* i didnt get my medical license revoked for nothing

i like idea of a necromancer that can bring back the dead but doesnt know how to cure the living so has to wait for someone to die before bringing them back

“hey doc do you have any splints I think I fractured my ankle”

*cocks gun* no but I’ll do you one better

differentsuggestion:

anarchistsuggestion:

the-angry-walnut-fairy:

suicidalhvdes:

enamoringsuggestion:

theseekersuggestions:

cardcaptor-suggestions:

loveliest-suggestions:

lovelyconcepts:

affectionsuggestion:

algidsuggestions:

mysticsuggestion:

nighttimesuggestions:

fluff-oh-suggestions:

tinyastronaut-suggestion:

heavyheartsuggestion:

meaningfulsuggestion:

You make me feel a little less tired.

You make me feel a little more safe.

You make me feel a little more celestial

You make me feel a little less nervous.

You make me feel a little less scared.

You make me feel a little more normal.

You make me feel a little less cold.

You make me feel a little more cuddly

You make me feel a little more in love

you make me feel a little more happy

You make me feel a little more magical.

You make me feel a little less lost.

You make me feel a little more at peace 

You make me feel a little more strong

You make me feel a little more important

you make me feel a little more hopeful

you make me feel a little more open

tchaikovsgay:

escapx:

tchaikovsgay:

emmarosethinkstoomuch:

musicallifeline:

tchaikovsgay:

tchaikovsgay:

Hawaii is talking about banning sunscreen that’s harmful to coral and I think that’s very environmentally sexy of them

No ones gonna say a thing about me calling environmentalism sexy huh

Good commentary, A+ should be used more often.

Also screw oxybenzone

Hurray for skin cancer I guess :/

“Sunscreen that is bad for coral” =\= “all sunscreen”

I’d rather die than kill the environment, any day.

That’s very environmentally sexy of you

yurensohn:

sunspotpony:

emilyskeggs:

emilyskeggs:

emilyskeggs:

Okay I used to HATE roses as a symbol of romance and shit or whatever until I learned why they’re signs of love bc it’s the most metal creation myth of all time

Well ok have y’all ever heard of the goddess of love Aphrodite?

So in greek mythology, all of the roses were white. all of em with no exception. white. remember this detail, it’s important to the story

so basically one day, our local love bitch Aphrodite was bragging to the other gods about how she could make anyone fall in love with anyone, because she was the goddess of love, and everyone got kind of irked with her bragging bc it was annoying, and Zeus (in his Zeus way) decided to pull a BIG PRANK on Aphrodite by making her fall in love w this mortal named Adonis. Adonis was a hunter, and this made Aphrodite CRAZY because hunting is super dangerous, and she was thirsty for Adonis right & she didn’t want him to die. EXCEPT therein lies the prank, bc Zeus MADE Adonis get gored by a wild boar (rip) and he died.

and here’s where the thing with the red roses come in. Bc all the roses are white, right? And right as Adonis was about to die, Aphrodite SWOOPED DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS in a golden chariot pulled by swans on a slide made of clouds (a cloud slide). as she rushed to his side, Aphrodite pricked her foot on a rose thorn and her blood landed on the petals of the rose, and all of the roses around her became red with her blood as she mourned for her dead lover who was killed in the hunt by a violent wild boar, all bc Zeus wanted Aphrodite to stop boasting.

tl;dr: red roses are a sign of romance bc they were originally white, but the red ones are red because they’re dipped in the blood of the goddess Aphrodite as she mourned the death of her lover

Here, have this bouquet of “Zeus Is a Dick” flowers.

Roses are red

That’s a dirty trick

Adonis is dead

Zeus you fucking dick

lornacrowley:

lornacrowley:

i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers

i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i

neonpines:

everyone who reblogs this before new years gets, uh, bees

reblog now for bees

elfoftheforest:

when you see a leaf on my hair

• don’t remove leaf
• leave it
  
• don’t take it away
• i don’t care if it’s huge
• the leaf chose me
• it’s my crown
• it’s my leaf
• we are one